Sakura's_Hope Wanderer
Age : 34 Join date : 2009-07-17 Location : Realm of chaos Job/hobbies : Biking, skating, swimming, track, basketball, trecking Posts : 17 Credits : 562428 Attitude Points : 10
| Subject: Story Or RPG [You Deceided] Wed Sep 30, 2009 6:31 pm | |
| If your un sure about your writing and you need and opinion post it right here.
Check this out for me and see if I should make it into an RPG or a Story
The clouds came in fast. Dark and foreboding, passing over the city like an over sized blanket. The city was more quieter then usual. As if no one was home. For there was no lights and no laughter. Not one sound coming from the inside. You could feel the knowledge of this sweep over the whole city. The people were waiting for there impending doom. Maybe even accepting it. In the distant of the city you could she a faint glimmer of light no bigger then the peas kids hate to eat. The outline of the light illustrated the shape of a tall building. The cathedral. Its only inhabitant being a middle age priest, lighting candles for every poor soul who lived in the city. He knew as well as any that the end was soon coming. He was one of many who had seen the dark cloud coming toward the capital. A warning was sent through out the city. The council was called and after many hours. A decision was made that the people would continue to go about there usual lives. (From what you read earlier they didn’t.) The priest heaved a sigh and lit another candle. The wind gave a hard blow forcing the doors of the church or at least that’s what the priest thought as he turn around to close it. As he turn fully around he made an out a shrouded figure blending into the darkness outside.
Fear swept through out his body paralyzing him; rooting him to the very spot he stood in. the figure step into the cathedral to reveal that it was a whole lot smaller then what it seem. That made the minister clam down a bit. Turn a round to close the huge doors. The shrouded figure began down the isle in a very pronounce limp. Who ever the person was they were hurt. Thought the priest. It made him fell a whole lot better to know he would not have to fight for his life. When the injure cloaked form reached him he was sure he/she was about to say something to him but as the words were about to form out of it’s mouth. He/she collapsed right before him. The first thought that came to the minster was that he had to help this person. Kneeling down before cover up form. He removed it hood to reveal a very beautiful girl. The minster wonders how she how she came to be here and what possible reason would she be wonder the city at a time like this. Shrugging of the cloak to see the limit to her injures he saw a mark in graved in her up right torso. He was pretty sure it was the helix mark and then another thought crossed his mind that girl probably knew what was happen outside. From the person he was looking at now he was not going to get any answers. Lift the girl up into his arms and head off to tend to her wounds.
For three days and three nights the priest cared for the girl. As he saw here progress in her healing of her wounds. He was sure she knew something about the trouble outside. Since the day she woke up she had remained silent, never speaking a word not even to say thank you when he brought her food. He had tried to as her many questions. More about her self-then if the occupants of the city had tried to help her at all. But she only turn away from him and stared out the window at the black sky as if telling him that she knew what was going but the pain was to great to tell. He didn’t pressure her after that. The priest knew he would have to wait until she was ready. Three day later after plenty of rest and ton of food she finally spoke. On the morning of the third day as he brought her breakfast. The girl spoke in such a soft voice it nearly shock him.
Girl: "Thank you for all you've done." Priest: “Y…your welcome.” He replied with the tray shaking in his hand.
Girl: "You don’t have to be afraid I won’t hurt you in fact I don’t even think I could. She stated giving him a weak smile to prove her point." Priest: "I...a…I…"
Girl: "I owe you my life. How can I ever repay you." The priest was in flabbier gasped but soon recovered he knew what he wanted to ask and so did see. That is why she had given him this opening in the first place. Priest: "Tell me what’s going on outside why has the sky turn dark. It’s too soon for us to migrate again. "
Girl: You know why. Or do you want the whole story on why it happening so soon. I’ll tell you what I’ll tell you the story but under one condition." He was almost afraid to ask. Priest: What’s that?
Girl: "Don’t expect to be alive in the morning." Fear was not the word he would have use at the moment. The priest was terrified. "Clam down I’m not going to hurt but he might." Priest: "He?"
Girl: "You’ll know soon enough." The priest remained silent he was ready to listen. "You ever wonder what our world would be like if there was no evil in it or if impulsive people didn’t try to ruin our world with it’s so called science. Well?" Priest: "Don’t know I never really thought about it."
Girl: "Nobody dose. Because who want to save a world that won’t save it self." And she began her story. | |
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Yuna's~Love Wanderer
Age : 33 Join date : 2009-07-16 Location : Soul Society Job/hobbies : Party, Hang out, Sports, Gaming, Reading, Poetry, Your Favorite Color : Pink Posts : 93 Credits : 581516 Attitude Points : 10
| Subject: Re: Story Or RPG [You Deceided] Tue Oct 06, 2009 10:52 am | |
| Could be both in my opinion it seems interesting for a prolouge. Saki what did you have in mind if you made it into a rpg? | |
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Zangetsu Traveler
Age : 33 Join date : 2009-07-17 Location : Any place your not Job/hobbies : running, play video games, sports Your Favorite Color : Red Posts : 111 Credits : 584435 Attitude Points : 13
| Subject: Re: Story Or RPG [You Deceided] Sat Oct 10, 2009 1:25 am | |
| I think it would be a pretty good rp if you put your mind to it. | |
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Black~Heart Wanderer
Age : 34 Join date : 2009-07-14 Location : Another world...maybe? Job/hobbies : Coming soon... Posts : 34 Credits : 567418 Attitude Points : 10
| Subject: Re: Story Or RPG [You Deceided] Mon Oct 12, 2009 1:55 am | |
| More of a story then a rp if you ask me. | |
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